Whether itвЂ™s a good or bad thing, cycling has changed over the last decade. ItвЂ™s readily available for us to compare ourselves to. At an amateur level, itвЂ™s an individual sport, youвЂ™re on your own unlike football where you have teammates around after a bad game to share the grief or to pick you up again. If things go well, awesome, best feeling in the world, вЂњPain? What pain? Why didnвЂ™t I take up cycling earlier, I couldвЂ™ve won E3 Harelbeke!вЂќ But when it doesnвЂ™t, itвЂ™s rubbish. To be any good at cycling, a rider has to hurt themself. Loss of interest or pleasure in things you previously found enjoyable. Hi, IвЂ™m Stuart and IвЂ™m, well, a bit lost if IвЂ™m honest with you mate.Д¬hecklist. It felt like IвЂ™d walked away from a whole era of my life вЂ“ my identity. I was working in cycling and I decided to go cold turkey for a while. Cycling worked for me in the past it was my release, but what happened when it didnвЂ™t work anymore and itвЂ™s the very thing thatвЂ™s making you unhappy? Well, I can tell you what I did I quit. We all know that sometimes getting out on the bike is the antidote to a lot of lifeвЂ™s ills. Made harder no doubt because in the last 18 months, it could have been any one of a million things, right? Which is what happened to me earlier this year. ItвЂ™s a catalytic moment when you can find a trigger and start to change whatever it is thatвЂ™s causing the upset. But now you donвЂ™t even think about it, and itвЂ™s natural enough. At first it can be awkward and you feel self-conscious, like when you first clipped into bike pedals, looking down at your feet. Realising when things are going a bit wonky and reaching out makes it sound simple, and it will be. Now with a few years under my belt, IвЂ™ve learned a few coping mechanisms to get out of negative thought patterns. ItвЂ™s difficult to put into words what youвЂ™re feeling when your mind is broken, in the same way itвЂ™s difficult to listen to the lyrics of a scratched record. ItвЂ™s not all that easy to open up about it when youвЂ™re going through it. Thankfully, the human race has progressed in certain areas and it is something we talk about now. It was a different time and there was stigma attached to mental health. The truth is, back then, I donвЂ™t think I wouldвЂ™ve talked about it even if I was prompted. Be the adult you needed when you were growing up. ItвЂ™s only now, looking back and having kids that are about the age I was when going through my poetry phase, that I realise I needed help. I wonder how many lives weвЂ™ve lost to вЂteenage angstвЂ™ over the years? Not only because it was bad, and it was pretty bad, but because the young person writing that stuff wasnвЂ™t feeling very well at that point. It was actually pretty difficult to read. Clearly IвЂ™d been inspired by Jim Morrison, but ultimately the verses were delivered by a teenager from Essex, England. On the cover IвЂ™d written The DoorsВ and inside some terrible poetry. I was going through my wardrobe at my parentsвЂ™ house when I found an old notebook.

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